I have to preface my comments by stating three facts about myself. First, I will be 33 in May, an age that, to some of you, may seem pretty damn old. Second, I did not go away to college. Instead, I joined the Navy. I did not attend college until I was 22, and even then it was a local campus. Finally, I am by no means a prude. If you read further, you'll understand why I had to clarify this point.
I keep running into a weird statistic that has to do with college women and dating. Every time I have seen this statistic, the actual percentage stated is different; however, it generally ranges between 50 and 75 percent. The statistic is this: while most women in college (aged 18-22) are having sex, the majority (let's call it 60%) say that they have never been on a real date (dinner, movie, nihilist poetry reading, etc.). This means that the majority of women having sex in college are doing so via the "hookup", or one-night stand. The hookup may be with the same person over and over again, but there is no relationship beyond the physical.
I am not so naive as to believe that the one-night stand is something new to college life. He-in' and she-in' has been going on at college campsuses since the days of Isaac Newton, much to the chagrin of parents. What bothers me is how common this seems to be today. I believe there is a reason for it, and I believe that reason comes from the institutions themselves in the form of feminism.
Early feminism was about single, separate issues: the right to vote, to work outside the home, to make the same wage as a man for the same work. All of these goals were noble and the struggle was long overdue. But somewhere along the line, the thinking of feminist leaders began to change. Instead of equal opportunity, some feminists began to think in terms of overall equity; that is, they began to believe that men and women are the same in all ways but the physical. To quote Jane Fonda, "All that's different about men and women is plumbing."
Who are we trying to kid here? I have yet to see a man who could deal with carrying a child for nine months AND go through a delivery. I have yet to see a man who could deal with PMS every month for 30 or 35 years. Men, too, have particular advantages, both mental and physical; to think that the two sexes are equal in every way is to live in a fantasy world.
Despite evidence to the contrary, our society began telling little girls that they were the same as little boys. Any difference, so the theory goes, is forced on the sexes by culture, not design; if only you had given your daughter a football instead of a doll. Never mind that anyone with a brain can see behavioral sex differences in primates and other higher-order mammals---the facts themselves became sexist, designed by The Man to keep women down.
This line of thinking might be OK if hormones never got involved. At some point, little boys become very, very attracted to little girls (I know that some become attracted to other little boys; work with me here). In fact, without the rules of civility and religion, adolescent males would all become polygamist whores. So what keeps teenaged boys from acting out when mom and dad and the minister aren't around and condoms fall from the sky? Girls. That's right---the women are at the steering wheel of every romantic relationship, beginning at about age 13. If left alone, most men will drive right off a cliff. That may sound funny, but can you say that it's not true?
Now we move to the college scene, where thousands (millions?) of young women have been told that they are, for all intents and purposes, men. And if you are in every way the equal of a man except for "plumbing", don't you have the right to act like a man? Don't you have the right to have one-night stands? After all, you can get up the next morning, get dressed and sneak away without any attachment, can't you? You don't need respect or love, do you? I mean, after all, a guy interested in a hook-up certainly isn't looking for intimacy or respect; he just wants to get laid.
Of course, this is all a load of BS. Men and women look at sex in completely different ways, and thank God for that. Women "civilize" men and make us appreciate how good a real, caring relationship can be. Without women, we men would still be living in caves. We would have nuclear weapons and beer, but we would still wear the fur of whatever we ate last week. If you don't believe me, take a peek into any all-male environment and tell me if it's any different than if a few women were thrown into the mix.
I fear what our institutions of higher learning have done to women in the name of politically-correct feminism. Wouldn't true feminism tend to demand more out of a relationship than sex? Wouldn't a feminist demand responsible, courteous behavior from a man? Perhaps the definition of what a feminist is has changed.
I also fear what is coming down the road. I know that many people who are wild in college grow into competent, loving parents. But there is always a price to pay for behavior sooner or later, and I hope it's not reflected in the next generations. Some sociologists say that societal mores swing like a pendulum; for all our sakes, I hope so.
Posted by Matthew at December 5, 2003 02:45 AMEqual but different is very true. It is also very hard for Americans, specifically, to grasp. That is understandable, since one can't help but to think of JimCrowe laws. But that wasn't "equal but different"; that was "equal and separate".
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I think that I agree with everything you said Matt, however I think the problem is a bit more general then saying women and men are equal. Unforunately if people look even deeper the problems lie in the morals and values that people hold today. Most of the good ones that I hold which I learned from my parents are gone in most of society. My parents have been married over 35 years, my grandparent for almost 60 years till my grandfather died. How many last that long these days. Very few. I understand that this was not so much your point but I think that even the sleeping around that goes on in college dorms and whatnot is a result of not being taught the moral values that some parents (like mine) hold. It think it should be called Degeneration X or Y or what ever it is, because that is what is happening.
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