Opaque Lucidity: A Little Respect

May 21, 2004

A Little Respect

Last week, Kelli and I received an invitation to a Memorial Day party. I've been struggling with the idea of going, probably spending more time thinking about it than I should. But taking the decision to not attend the party has made me realize, more than ever, what I really require in a friendship.

I've written here before about how seriously I take my friendships. To me, there is a distinct difference between an aquaintance and a friend. In my opinion, many people cheapen the term "friend" by considering everyone they share a beer or conversation with a friend. Almost without exception, these people end up getting burned by their "friends". But they keep going back again and again, which probably speaks to a certain desperation. But I digress.

I have never considered the host of this party a friend. My association with him is on a professional level at best. But I have come to realize that everyone he comes into contact with is suddenly a "friend", a "pal", a "buddy" or even a "brother". As I'm fond of saying, words mean things. If everyone's a friend, then pretty soon the word means nothing. Thus, attending his party is, to him at least, tacit admission that I am some kind of "friend". I'm not, at least to my way of thinking, so our attendance would be sort of a lie by presence.

There is something else to consider. To some people, social interaction is tacit approval of their behavior. If you go to their house or hang out with them, then they believe that whatever they're doing in public is OK. And the larger that crowd, the deeper the approval must be.

Now, before you consider me some sort of judgemental asshole, let me explain. I don't really care what people do behind closed doors. But what I do care about is how those same people act in public and how they treat me and the people I care about. In that way, I am VERY judgemental. Also, I give my family (not just the people I am biologically related to or people who I am related to by marriage; there are people who I consider family because I have known them most of my life or been through tough times with them) more leeway on these issues. Sorry, but that's the way it is. I guess it all comes down to respect---if you treat me with respect and you are worthy of respect, then I respect you. If I respect you, then you are more likely to be a friend of mine. If I don't respect you for whatever reason, then you don't stand a chance. And, for the record, respect has nothing to do with age, job, sex, political beliefs, sexual preference or finances. It has to do with honesty, loyalty and compassion.

You might be thinking that I've spent much too much time on this. Maybe you're right. But I've finally matured enough to see that all that matters in the end is honor, honesty, loyalty and love. Everything else is a facade and life is too short to spend with people who are all facade and no substance.

Posted by Matthew at May 21, 2004 11:52 AM

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