I heard an interesting hour of radio this morning. The topic concerned bullying by young people; specifically, a case in which a 14 year old boy died from his heart condition after being chased to his house by some local kids. The parents of the "chasee" are suing the parents of the chasers over the boy's death. The debate centered on two things: should the parents be held liable and has bullying become worse in the past 20 years or so?
I can't really cite many personal examples of bullying. I was never a bully, nor was I ever really bullied. My grade school class only contained 20 kids, so the teachers were able to keep a pretty tight lid on us. That changed in high school, where supposedly more mature students very often picked on kids who were slow learners, a little smaller than average, shy, socially backward, etc. In retrospect, it was exceedingly cruel. There were two kids in our class who were always easy targets: Mark and Keith. Mark still lives in this area and is much the same as he was in high school. The few times I have seen him, I can't help but notice that he is a little apprehensive to talk to me, even though we barely spoke in school and I don't remember ever saying a cross word to him or about him. I'm sure the memories of those days are painful for him, even now.
Keith doesn't live here anymore, but he came to our ten-year reunion a few years ago. He has changed so much that I didn't even recognize him. He was friendly and open, with no hint of malice towards those who had treated him so poorly. I guess living well is the best revenge.
But what of the bullies? The host of the show this morning was pretty dismissive of this type of thing and sort of passed if off as "boys will be boys". While this is certainly true to some extent, I don't believe that it is ever acceptable to tolerate cruelty from children. Nor do I believe that bullying is always a passing fad in a young boy or girl's life. You don't have to look very far to see bullies all around; I guess they never had the crap kicked out of them by their peers or by life.
I believe there are many factors to blame for what I see as more and crueler treatment among young people. First, I think absentee fathers leave many young boys with no concept or example of manhood. Thus, a man is someone who is tough and emotionally cut-off, just like guys in the movies. Busy parents are, I believe, another reason: if no one is around to knock some sense into you when you're being an asshole, you'll never learn.
As a society, I believe that we have stopped seeing compassion and kindness as virtues. Look at reality TV: people succeed by deception and cruelty; almost no one is rewarded for having the strength to show compassion. But millions watch, enjoying every moment as the backstabbing comes at them in newer and weirder venues. How can we expect to raise respectful children?
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