Opaque Lucidity

The One Thing

No one's asking me, but here's a thought: if I could give a teenager one piece of advice, I would say that it is a major mistake to live your life for someone else.

Keep in mind I didn't say WITH someone else. Married life is wonderful because if you find that right person, sharing your life with her and having her share her life with you is a great thing. What I'm advising against is living your life by the rules, codes and standards set by those whose approval you seek.

There's a Hollywood sort of version of this advice. Their version is about rebellion and being a freak. I still believe there are societal norms to which you should adhere. For example, you need to get and keep a job, not just to pay the bills but because you live in the greatest nation on the planet and you should contribute to that nation's economy in whatever way you can. You should obey the law and pay your taxes. Ignore those two and all your choices could soon go down the crapper.

I started in college in January, 1993. I wanted to be a history teacher. But I allowed my parents, neither of whom has ever walked into a college classroom, to convince me that teaching was a guaranteed ticket to permanently low salaries. Instead, I switched my major to business management which, according to them, was much more economically positive. I never graduated. I'm a 34-year old junior in college. Hooray for me.

They were right about the money. But now I realize how little that means. Mom and dad wanted all of us to make money because they never had any. They never factored job satisfaction or general happiness into the equation. I have worked with many well-to-do people in my life who are stressed out and miserable. Money is nice from a physical standpoint, but true happiness comes from somewhere else. If your only source of happiness comes from new stuff, you've got a problem. But mom and dad did what they thought was best. It was just wrong.

I'll never be a history teacher. It's not that I couldn't be. But I know how I am and I know that I will never go back to school because life will always get in the way. Kelli went back to school four years ago and finished her degree and I'm still amazed that she was able to do it. But she's strong in that way and I'm not. I'm distracted too easily by things that are of no consequence in the long term.

I think there are only a few things that matter in a person's life. Love. Honor. Loyalty. Honesty. Happiness. All else is dust. So love with everything you've got, be the friend that you've always wanted and do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy. I wish I had.