Opaque Lucidity

Terrible Swift Sword

Zarquawi is dead. I don’t think I spelled his name correctly---big deal. He was a heathen sub-human and I’m glad he’s dead. Supposedly, the house that he and his fellow animals were meeting in was hit with a 500 pound bomb dropped by an aircraft. As you probably know, some of these munitions do not explode on contact, but instead wait until they have had time to burrow into a bunker, basement, etc. I don’t know if this was one of those bombs, but I would like to think that it was.

Why? Imagine sitting in a house when, out of nowhere (because the plane might be 30,000 feet up and out of your hearing range) a bomb comes whistling in through one of the walls. It sails through the floor and comes to rest, stuck in the ground. In that fraction of a second before it explodes, the asshats in that house know that there is no force in the world that can remove them from the blast radius fast enough. Hellloooooo, Allah!!!

Speaking of Allah, when Zarquawi woke up after the explosion, he was in a bright, white room. He assumed that he was in Paradise. A door opened and in strode George Washington with an axe. He walked up to the terrorist and hit him with the axe handle, knocking him to the ground. Then, out of the same door, walked Robert E. Lee with a rifle. He ran over and hit Zarquawi with the butt of the weapon right in the face. The door opened again and dozens of other men filed in. Some were wearing Confederate uniforms, some were in Navy uniforms, some in business suits, some in jeans and NASCAR t-shirts. They commenced beating Zarquawi.

Zarquawi looked up at the ceiling and cried, “Allah…you promised me 72 virgins?”

Allah answered, “Virgins? You idiot! I said ‘VIRGINIANS’!!!!”