Opaque Lucidity

Matt's World Cup Rules

Blame Peter (Sly) for this post. I have watched him coach soccer for almost a decade and it's finally starting to rub off on me. I know a little about the rules, enough so that I actually enjoy watching a match every now and then. Last night, Kelli and I went to a local Mexican restaurante and some sort of World Cup pre-match was on. The waiters and greeters were watching the match whenever possible and it sort of drew me in. As we left, the manager asked us if we were soccer fans and I told him that we are on our way to becoming so.

However, I don't know enough about all the national teams to make educated, soccer-centric observations about them. Thus, I have compiled a set of rules for those of us who don't know enough to truly root for a team for all the right reasons.

1. DO NOT root for France. I think that's all I need to say about that.

2. When Germany plays Poland, root for Poland. The Poles have been staunch supporters of US actions in the war, whereas the Germans, uncharacteristically, have stayed out of the fight. Maybe they're warming up to invade France again. We couldn't get that lucky.

3. ALWAYS pull for England. They are our older brothers in Europe, and any country that produced Winston Churchill, Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair deserves our support.

4. DO NOT support China or Angola. Two words: Pinko Commies.

5. DO NOT support Switzerland. They harbored looted Nazi money during World War Two; who knows what they're hiding today.

6. DO support Brazil. Have you seen pictures of the Brazilian women? Hello?

7. DO support South Korea and Japan. When China becomes a superpower in about 50 years, Korea and Japan will be our most valuable allies.

So there you have it. It's not as scientific as blue/red state college football picks, but I'm happy.