Opaque Lucidity

Sitting In Coach

Early in 2004, my father announced that he had cancer and that one of his kidneys had to come out. It was shocking to all of us because dad has always been very healthy. But his career had exposed him to some chemicals that are now much more controlled than they were thirty years ago; some of the men he worked with are already gone. But he made a full recovery, so much so that his doctor is surprised at how well his remaining kidney has "taken up the slack".

Now, someone I love very much is in a similar situation. Those of you who have younger (under 65) parents may not have experienced this feeling yet, but you come to realize that your parents are going to have health problems. But this time, the person facing down the dragon is my age; in fact, I'm a little older. If I had to choose between the two of us who would be the first to have any health problems, I would've said it would be me. I'm overweight, not especially careful about what I eat and while I do exercise, I'm not hitting the gym every day. He is very healthy and exercise is part of his job. If you just look at the numbers, I should be looking at some sort of surgery and he should live to be 97. But that's not the way it works.

Kelli is fond of saying that I need to fix things and make them right. It took me a long time to learn that when she has a bad day at work and we talk about it, she just wants me to listen. I guess it's a guy thing, but when I see an injustice or something bad touching someone I love, I want to punch someone or blow something up or flatten a tire or whatever and make it all better. But I can't fix this. Doctors, all of whom are much smarter and better educated than me, are going to have to lead the fight this time. I know they're capable and this is the best nation in the world in which to have something go wrong with your body. But tonight, sitting here, it doesn't make me feel any better.

It is the nature of our relationship that for 15 years, we have been confidantes. We have solved problems for each other just by airing things out, most of the time over the phone. But no amount of talking can solve this, and talking is about all I can do. I know a few of you reading this have faced tragedy and loss in your lives and that this, in comparison, may seem like small potatoes. I also realize that maybe I'm internalizing this more than I should. Please know that is not my intention.

So if you pray, please say a prayer for my friend this week. Most of you do not know his name, but I'm sure God will know who you're talking about. My mother will be at Mass when his surgery begins, and if anyone has a line to the Almighty, it's my mom (my friend's mom, for her part, should be nominated for sainthood).

If you're read this far, thank you. I know all will be well. It has to be.