I just heard a news story about a couple in their early 60's from Oklahoma who won the Powerball lottery last week: $105 million. The husband is a truck driver who, according to the report, has no intention of quitting his job. The engine in his rig blew last week, but he will not buy a new one because the new ones are too expensive and depreciate too quickly. Instead he's going to buy a used model.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?????
If you're reading this, I need you to do me a favor: if you ever, ever win the lottery and it's more than $20 million, please promise me that you will make up some obscene story for the press. I don't care what you really do with your money (other than helping your buddy Matt become a full-time podcaster), but please, please make up a story that will make the rest of us envy you. Here are my suggestions:
1. Say something about your place of work: "To my boss, Randy: this is my notice---notice me leavin', jerkoff!"
2. Talk about your impossible vacations: "I'm going to fund a military takeover in Cuba and then claim it for the lost continent of Atlantis. People of Havana, practice saying this: Yes, your Worshipfullness."
3. Talk about the crazy things you're going to buy: "Since our Navy is less than cooperative about selling surplus nuclear-powered stuff, we've entered into a bidding competition to purchase a Soviet-era Typhoon-class ballistic missile submarine for use as our personal yacht. Paul Allen, call your office."
Wouldn't that be fun? Since I didn't win, at least give me something to smile about.
Posted by Matthew at June 30, 2007 11:04 PMTrackBack URL for this entry:
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