Opaque Lucidity

Barbie and Ken

As I mentioned earlier, I saw a short film last night that was very thought-provoking. Here's the setup: a woman wakes up and finds that she is sleeping next to a female blow-up doll. You know the kind I'm talking about---anatomically correct and everything which that implies. She examines it thoroughly, comparing the doll's body parts to her own (this was done very tastefully). She spends time with the doll, trying to get it to move to music, drive, etc. However, it keeps deflating, forcing the woman to keep blowing it back up. The whole film was 10 minutes long.

The first thought that struck me was how absurd the whole thing was. Then, something hit me pretty hard: replace the woman with a 12-year old girl and everything makes sense, from the body part comparison, to the attempts to humanize the doll, etc, etc. Thus the point was made: the absurdity of young women comparing themselves to unbelievable body types (and modes of behavior) has become so commonplace in our society that it takes something even more absurd to wake us up to the reality of it.

Growth

At the end of every month, I visit the administrator's setup page for this website. From there, I can tell how many people have visited here. As of this month, this site is receiving 150 page views a day. Each month has been a little better than the one before it (except last September, when I was still tweaking the layout and was visiting the page about 100 times a night). Thank you and please keep reading. I don't whitewash anything here and I push no agenda other than my own thoughts. If I make you mad or you think I'm wrong, let me know---that's what the little comments section at the bottom of each post is for.

I'm off today (well, I'm off every day; I just don't have to work today ;-) and in a very good mood. I'm going to change the oil in both the vehicles and try to download Suse 9.1 (geek alert!!!!). Question for those of you in the field: Is there a g-d FTP server on this planet that will maintain a connection for more than an hour? For God's sake, the best connection I've had was in ROMANIA!!! Go figure.

My friend Mike and I went to a short film expose' last night. Two of the films were particularly interesting and one of them will be talked about here later today. It was about dolls and little girls and the absurdity of body image. I have lots to say. I know you have trouble imagining that, but stand by.

Elitist

I visited with my parents last night and we began talking about my high school. Most of our nieces and nephews attend, and their experience there is very similar to what mine was 15 years ago. Elitism is as rampant now as it was then. That's not to say that they haven't made good, true friends as I did; it's just that background of snobbery that colors everything.

I am not a socialist by any means. I understand that some people make more money than others because of circumstances, education, luck, etc. Some people are born into wealth and influence. It has been this way since the dawn of man and it's not going to end any time soon.

I don't understand elitism. If you are wealthy, or well-connected, or famous, great; go do your thing. Why is it that a certain percentage of those people need to try to place themselves above the great unwashed? I guess it's a need to bolster self-esteem or something. I just don't understand why belittleling someone else makes you feel better.

I realized a long time ago that life isn't fair. I guess knowing and accepting are two different things.

Over the Fence

I've been listening with growing frustration to the media's coverage of the real disposition of John Kerry's ribbons/medals from his service in the Navy. Some say he threw them onto the White House lawn in 1971; he said he kept the medals but threw the ribbons (worn on working uniforms) over the fence. For the sake of clarity, let me say that I don't know where the two ribbons/medals the Navy gave me are residing right now---I hope they're in mom and dad's basement. It wasn't like the Navy gave them to me; I was authorized to wear them but had to buy them myself. Personally, I don't care if Kerry had them melted down into cufflinks. It doesn't change him or his service to the nation.

I know that the point of this exercise is to demonstrate how Kerry flip/flops on so many issues, even trivial ones. Point taken. But can't both sides in this campaign focus on something like voting records? For God's sake, Kerry has been a U.S. Senator for 20 years, G.W. has been president for three years and was the governor of Texas for something like eight years before that. I think it's safe to say that each of them has cast votes and/or vetoes that are worth looking at, dammit (can't end a sentence with a preposition). Can't we just stick to the issues?

Of course, very few people could give a rat's ass about the issues. Politics in this country has become like an episode of reality TV: don't give me something substantive, just the smear part. Conservatives like to think that the people who call into talk radio shows are the majority. That's a bunch of crap. Liberals like to think that the administration of Berkeley is more representative. That's hooey as well. I believe (and maybe I'm wrong here) that the average American is so wrapped up in their job, their kid(s), their mortgage, etc. that the only thing they have time for is the ever-present sound byte.

So how long do we have left? Maybe a generation or so?

Inspiration from NOW

This weekend's pro-abortion rally in Washington has really made me think. Whoopi Goldberg, Hillary Clinton, Cybill Sheppard and thousands of other protesters took to the streets in the hope of making their voices heard. They are fighting for womens' reproductive rights, a right that the Supreme Court said "eminates from the penumbra" of the Constitution.

I have to say that I'm beginning to agree with them. The Constitution's penumbra can be said to guarantee many rights that are now being ignored. Let's take old people as an example: they cost our health care system billions of dollars a year and are an emotional drain on many families. Shouldn't we be able to shoot them? I mean, think of the money we'd save and the freedom of action that many families would gain because they wouldn't have to find a babysitter for grandma. When are we going to recognize a family's right to a stress-free vacation from the old folks?

And then there's teenagers. Most of us know or have known teenagers that we'd love to strangle. They're hard to deal with, they break laws and they don't always practice safe sex. If parents could just exercise a little choice in dealing with their teenaged kids, like having them killed by a doctor, wouldn't all our lives be a little more sane?

Finally, there's fat people. I'm overweight, and even I get frustrated by fat people. They're ruining out healthcare system, they wear too little clothing at the beach and they are causing their loved ones undue stress. A world where obese people are put out of their obvious misery would be a better world. After all, why let them suffer?

Thank you, Hillary, Whoopi and Cybill. You have made me see the possibilities.

The Blind and the Clueless

In my 32 years of life, there have been several occasions in which circumstances have convinced me to step back and take a look at my attitude and how I deal with people and the world at large. It's not that I had hit rock bottom or alienated everyone I know; it was just that I had made costly mistakes and knew I had to do some restructuring in order to keep from repeating the same mistake.

It seems that I keep running into people who have never stopped to examine anything about their inner being. I find this lack of self-examination to exist mainly in male members of our species, although women are not completely immune. I think most of this stems from our "alpha male as leader" society; what started out as the definition of a man who was aggressive and had leadership ability has turned into a weak excuse to never admit to mistakes or show any inkling of kindness, which is considered weakness in some circles.

I was reminded of this on Saturday and Sunday as I twice saw a man who, for lack of a better phrase, screwed himself out of a very successful career. You would think that, at least outwardly, there would be some sign of contrition, modesty or meekness. But it was the same old crap---the next big deal, promote me, promote me, promote me, what can you do for me? I, for one, am glad to know that the next phase of my life will most likely not include him.

I went through grade school and part of high school with two guys who were constantly in trouble. As a child, I saw them as two peas in a pod. It was not until years later that I saw the difference: one got into trouble with his parents all the time while the other had parents who always blamed the teachers for their son's problems.

As fate would have it, I didn't see either of these men for almost ten years after high school. The guy whose parents were hardasses is now a very successful contractor. The other guy has fathered three illegitimate children by three different women and was, at last word, living in his mom and dad's old house.

I am not a believer in what Phil Donahue calls "the accident of our birth." For the most part, we choose the life we lead. I would like to think that the first fellow got hit over the head by life and those around him enough that, at some point, he realized that he needed to get his shit together. The second guy never had that problem: he was raised to believe that, when the world turns against you, that the world is always wrong and you are always right. You see how that worked out.

Pat Tillman

Pat Tillman is dead. You may remember Pat; he was the NFL player (Arizona Cardinals) who gave up his sports career to join the Army with his brother. He had been in the NFL for several years and turned down a $3.6 million contract to become an enlisted man making $18,000 a year.

As sad as Tillman's death is, it is not unique. Every day now, flagged-draped coffins arrive in this country carrying other Tillmans who you and I will never know. You didn't ask them to, but they made a sacrifice for you and me, the greatest that one citizen can make for another. Their sacrifice was made for both the people who support them and the people who would spit on them if given the chance. They remind us, or at least we should be reminded by them, that freedom has never been free.

As a man who has served in the military but never been shot at in anger, I would like to think that, in that moment, I would be made of the same stuff as these men and women are. While I will probably never know for sure whether I am or not, I thank God that they are not only made of the right stuff, but that they were here, in this age, for this job.

One of best (and only) movies made about the Korean War is called "The Bridges of Toko-Ri". It stars William Holden, Grace Kelley and about every other big name of the early 50's. It's corny and a little too dramatic, as movies of that era were, but it deals with a serious issue: a Naval Reserve pilot from WWII who is called back to active duty for Korea. The story raises many questions, but the central one is a question of sacrifice---when is it worthwhile to sacrifice American lives? This was heady stuff for pre-Vietnam Hollywood, and the question is never really answered (imagine that---leaving something for the audience to think about). The final line of the movie is gripping. The Task Force Commander is in the flight bridge of the carrier when he receives some bad news. He looks out at the sea and asks, "Where do we get such men?"

We get them from your town and from mine. Every generation has produced them, even in the darkest hours. And it's no exagerration to say that we are here, living the lives we live, because of their actions.

One Ring

Kelli's ring ceremony was last night. A small group of us were there for her and it was a pretty neat time. You don't have to get a ring when you graduate from college and you certainly don't have to go to the ceremony. However, Kelli said long ago that she wanted to sample the entire range of the college experience. As hard as she has worked for this, she has every right to do so.

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of her. We don't have children, but the feeling of pride I have now in her must be something of what it's like to be proud of one of your children. She has worked incredibly hard over the past three years to finish her degree while working more than full-time.

As I have mentioned before, my dad always says that time goes by no matter what you're doing. Kelli did something worthwhile with her time.

Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth

When I heard about Bob's firing yesterday and the subsequent demise of the radio show, all I could do was shrug my shoulders, make some phone calls and hope for the best. But in the past 24 hours I have received about a dozen e-mails from people whose e-mails I have answered over the years asking what happened and, more importantly, what's going to happen now.

Of course, I don't have an answer. Our team will continue in some form, probably just not on the radio. We have a newsletter with almost 3,000 subscribers and that will continue (if you don't subscribe and you want to, let me know and I'll get it out to you; it's free and we DO NOT sell or give out your e-mail address). Despite my frustrations with some of my fellow team members, the experience has been a positive one.

I find it touching that people actually made it a point to listen to our show. I guess I always thought that most of our listeners probably kept the station on all day anyway or just caught the show when they were in their car. Now, I realize that we were a part of people's lives. Now, without warning, we're not. Sad.

84Online

Bob got "fired" from the radio station today. As of right now, our little Sunday afternoon show has been cancelled. I've got some feelers out with some people I know; I'm hoping we might be able to save this thing. Stay tuned.

Dinner

The company took our department and about 40 other people to dinner last night to celebrate the success of our recent conversion to a new computer system (I won't bore you with the details). Dinner was very good (the canolis were not like my step-grandmother used to make, but I can deal) and I had the opportunity to sit with the senior VP in charge of the division affected by the conversion. I know him well enough to say hello when I run into him in the hallways, but we have rarely held even brief conversations. All that changed last night.

I had heard stories about this man, but I try to make my own judgements with regard to people. Unfortunately, most of the stories seem to be true. It's not that he came off as obnoxious or overly loud, but there is an unmistakeable air about him that says "I'm better than you, and we both know it." I was especially aware of how he treated the wait staff (something I always watch when dining out with people I don't know well); he was very dismissive, almost to the point of ignoring them completely. That's a pet peeve of mine: just because someone's waiting on you doesn't mean you're better than them.

If I'm ever in an executive position (which will probably never happen; I don't think I'm geared for it), I hope I remember that to lead is also to serve. Remember my post about learning from people you dislike? Well, here I go.

Welcome to My World

This is my desktop at work. It's a video capture from "Office Space". It sums up everything very nicely---three geeks, in a field, beating the crap out of a fax/copier/printer. Beautiful.

Reunion

I got to spend a couple of hours last night with my friend Steve and his brother Gerry. I haven't seen Steve since October; I haven't seen Gerry in almost 14 years. They were in town for just a few days on some family business, so this is the only opportunity I had to see them. Our meeting was much too brief.

I never felt very close to Gerry, but seeing him again made me realize how much I used to enjoy his company when we were in high school. Like Steve, he always had a unique take on things and people; having both of them in a room can change your whole perspective. We stopped by the Quadrangle in Jeffersonville and had a look around. They were amazed at the progress being made on the renovation. It made me appreciate my hometown all over again.

Sometimes, I look around and feel as if I'm missing something. I live in the same town I grew up in. Kelli and I aren't exactly jetsetters; our idea of a crazy weekend is taking in a movie and dinner with friends. But when someone whose opinion matters to me comes to town and is excited about what I'm doing and the surroundings in which we live, I realize that everyone must get that feeling at times. I could be a rock star in a new city every night and still probably feel as if something was missing.

When I left for boot camp in January, 1990, my dad told me not to worry too much about home. "Don't sit around wondering what everyone's doing here", he said, "because everyone here will be wondering what you're doing there."

The Waffle House

MR. RUSSERT: Let me see if I can clean up a comment that you made in March that created an awful lot of controversy and stir. "I have met more leaders who can't go out and say it publicly but, boy, they look at you and say, `You gotta win this, you gotta beat this guy, we need a new policy'--things like that. So there is enormous energy out there. Tell them, wherever they can find an American abroad, they can contribute."

The Washington Times added this: "Although Mr. Kerry indicated that he had met in person with foreign leaders who privately endorsed him, he has made no official trips abroad in the past two years. Within the United States, he has had the chance to meet with only one foreign leader since the beginning of last year, according to a review of his travel schedule."

Specifically, which foreign leaders have you met with who told you that you should beat George Bush?

SEN. KERRY: Tim, first of all, that is an inaccurate assessment of how I might or where I might be able to meet or talk to a foreign leader, number one.

MR. RUSSERT: But you have talked to foreign leaders who told you...

SEN. KERRY: Number--Tim, what I said is true. I mean, you can go to New York City and you can be in a restaurant and you can meet a foreign leader. There are plenty of places to meet people without traveling abroad. Number two, I'm under no obligation--I would be stupid if I were to sit here and start saying, "Well, so-and-so told me this," because they have dealings with this administration. This administration doesn't talk about its private conversations, and nor will I. I invite you, I invite The Washington Times editorial, go to European, go to foreign capitals, travel in the world. Talk to any American businessman who has been abroad, talk to any of our colleagues who've traveled abroad, and the conversations they've had. Never has the United States of America been held in as low a regard internationally--and polls have shown this--as we are today. We're not trusted and this administration is not liked.

MR. RUSSERT: So you stand by your statement, you met with foreign leaders who told you...

SEN. KERRY: I stand by my statement.

I know that most of you liberals/Dems aren't voting for Kerry, but rather against Bush, but do you really want someone who lies this effectively about something so blatantly false to be President? Are you really that angry? Or are you just that uninformed and willing to buy into anything?

The People Who Made You

You think I'm going to talk about parents, don't you?

You don't have to watch TV or listen to the radio for very long to see or hear someone talking about the people who have influenced their lives. It might be a parent or a teacher or a manager or a childhood friend. Whoever it is, it's always someone that the person loved or admired or was impressed enough with to emulate. But almost without exception, you will never hear them mention a person they disliked as an influence.

You may be having a "duh, Matt" moment right now. After all, why would you be influenced by someone who hurt you or broke your heart or was just an asshole? Because those people influenced you as well and we don't give them enough credit. For example: think about everyone who broke your heart before you met the person who would become your spouse. For some of you, that number is small; for others, it's rather large. Either way, every relationship that goes badly teaches us a lesson about what we don't want in a partner, what we should be more aware of, or whatever. If you're smart, you apply those lessons to the next relationship.

Here's what bothers me: there are many, many otherwise intelligent people who never learn the lessons that bad people teach them. I was reminded of this Saturday night during our Thunder party (which was, overall, a lot of fun). Someone who I care about very much was talking about all his "friends" and how much fun they have and blah, blah, blah. At least one of the people he mentioned has a wife who is an A-1 troublemaking bitch and has caused trouble in our family before. There was a time when this person and his wife were sort of cast out, but everything's cool now. I have no problem with forgiveness if it is coupled with an apology and contrition. But to just start hanging around with a guy again because you are desperate for approval is sickening. What's more, it makes me question this man's judgement in other areas of life as well.

As Kelli reminded me, it's their life and their decisions. While that's true on some level, their lives and the lives of many other people are inexorably intertwined with mine. Thus, their decisions DO have an effect on our lives. And while I can't change it, I certainly don't have to like it.

Air America, On a Wing and a Prayer

Air America, the vaunted liberal radio network that has purchased time on about six stations nationwide (Rush Limbaugh is on over 600 stations and Sean Hannity nearly 500), has been pulled from the air in Chicago and Los Angeles over a billing dispute. By the time you read this, they may be back up and running. The Air America execs have a point here: according to them, Multicultural Broadcasting sold Air America time they didn't use and then sold it again to someone else. If true, then Air America, in my opinion, is owed a refund.

Regardless of the outcome, this is sort of like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Liberal talk radio won't work for several reasons. First, it's too forced. Conservative talk radio wasn't foised upon us by a political machine; it happened one show at a time. Like him or loathe him, Rush Limbaugh is more responsible for making talk radio what it is today than anyone else.

Second, it's just not entertaining. I have an XM PCR unit at home; it's satellite radio for your computer. Some of Air America's shows are broadcast on there, and they're terrible. I don't mind liberal opinion; in fact, it's nice to hear a different spin. But it's so full of hate and hysteria that it's pretty much unlistenable. When I listen to a guy like Hugh Hewitt or Dennis Prager, I come away feeling good about my opinions. I doubt liberals can come away from Al Franken feeling good about anything.

Finally, there is not enough of a loyal audience to support Air America. There are informed liberals out there; they are not a majority. Liberalism is about emotions---hate, anger, fear, jealousy. Thus, no one who is truly liberal wants to talk about the meat and potatoes of any issue. You can't have a three hour radio program that is nothing but sound bytes intended to bring forth wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I'm starting a little dead pool on Air America. My date for the death of the network: July 4, 2004. Then maybe Al Franken can go back to making funny movies.....oh wait, he hasn't made one yet, has he?

My Answers

I watched the President's press conference with some interest last night. My main observation is that the mainstream media is now completely unable to understand moral clarity. Instead, they are looking for the embarrassing sound bite (byte?). Anyway, because I know you want to know (insert cricket sound here), here's how I would've answered the pirahnas' questions:

Mr. President, April is turning into the deadliest month in Iraq since the fall of Baghdad, and some people are comparing Iraq to Vietnam and talking about a quagmire. Polls show that support for your policy is declining and that fewer than half of Americans now support it.

What does that say to you? And how do you answer the Vietnam comparison?

President Dattilo: Let me be clear: we do not take war planning decisions based on polls. Many historians theorize that only one-third of the population of the colonies wanted to be a seperate nation from Great Britain; should the Continental Congress have governed by polling data?

This is not Vietnam in 1968, as some have put forward. By 1968, over 20,000 Americans had died in Vietnam and there was no end in sight. We inherited the war in Vietnam and there was no clear strategy for acheiving victory. We have a blueprint for Iraqi sovereignty and we are not going to stray from that plan. I said from the first that this would be a hard-won victory. But have no doubt: this will be a victory for us, the Iraqi people and democracy.

Thank you, Mr. President. What's your best prediction on how long U.S. troops will have to be in Iraq? And it sounds like you will have to add some troops. Is that a fair assessment?

President Dattilo: I and the Congress will work to provide whatever our troops need in the field, be it manpower, weapons or supplies. We will maintain a force in Iraq as long as it is necessary to do so in order to maintain stability until a new Iraqi security force is in place. I will not discuss details of troop strength because I believe it can be misleading to the American people and helpful to our enemies.

Mr. President, before the war, you and members of your administration made several claims about Iraq: that U.S. troops would be greeted as liberators with sweets and flowers; that Iraqi oil revenue would pay for most of the reconstruction; and that Iraq not only had weapons of mass destruction but, as Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld said, we know where they are.

How do you explain to Americans how you got that so wrong? And how do you answer your opponents who say that you took this nation to war on the basis of what have turned out to be a series of false premises?

President Dattilo: I think it is folly to say that we got it wrong at all. History tells us that there were WMDs in Iraq; he used them on his own people. Saddam Hussein had months to move his stockpiles to either secret locations or other countries. Also keep in mind that Iraq is roughly the size of California and much of it is barren. We didn't exactly expect to find Saddam camped out on crates of enriched uranium parked over a missle silo.

Iraqi oil revenues are actually greater than we imagined they would be at this point. Just because you don't see it on the nightly news doesn't mean it's not happening.

As for being greeted as liberators, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that much of the country did greet us as liberators. Are they tired of being occupied? Of course they are. We're foreigners with guns patrolling their streets. You'd be tired of us, too.

Mr. President. To move to the 9-11 commission, you yourself have acknowledged that Osama bin Laden was not a central focus of the administration in the months before September 11th. I was not on point, you told the journalist Bob Woodward. I didn't feel that sense of urgency.

Two and a half years later, do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

President Dattilo: No, and neither should any American. We can stand here all night and Monday morning quarterback our responses to vague threats, but the bottom line is that none of us saw this coming. Bin Laden was not a central focus because we simply didn't have enough information to go on.

Two weeks ago, a former counterterrorism official at the NSC, Richard Clarke, offered an unequivocal apology to the American people for failing them prior to 9-11. Do you believe the American people deserve a similar apology from you, and would you prepared to give them one?

Mr. President: Richard Clarke is a butt-licking pansy-boy and if you've read his book and believe him you can kiss my Texas ass. I'm not going to apologize because I'm not the one who flew those planes that day in September. What I am going to do is continue to fight this war with resolute resolve, the same way all our great campaigns have been fought.

(This would've been the end of the press conference as I instructed the Secret Service to take that last reporter out and kick his ass for me. Rise in the polls: at least 20%)

Ignorance is No Longer an Excuse

As most of you know, I am part of a radio show that is on locally which helps answer computer questions of all types. We also answer people's e-mail questions. I don't answer as many as I used to mainly due to time constraints, but there is also a frustration factor when dealing with people who are intentionally ignorant. While this may sound eliteist, let me explain.

We will receive an e-mail from someone who claims to listen every week. This person will then go on to explain how he thinks he has a virus. He had some anti-virus software at one time but, gosh, he let it expire. Of course, this will turn into a long series of e-mails as one of us walks this man through fixing his problem. When advised to either buy new anti-virus software (or AVG, which is free), the man will respond with something like (and I've actually seen this) "I'm not into all this stuff. I got other things going on in my life."

IF YOU'RE NOT INTO "THIS STUFF" AND DON'T HAVE SENSE ENOUGH TO TAKE FREE ADVICE THAT SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU AND YOU WANT TO CONTINUE BEING AN ONLINE MENACE, THEN PLEASE GET RID OF YOUR PC AND TAKE UP SOME OTHER HOBBY.

I know there are people who honestly don't know much about PCs, and that's fine. They just want to get online, send e-mails and go to web sites. There is nothing wrong with this in the same way that most of the population just wants their car to start in the morning; a mechanic can take care of the messy stuff. But for God's sake, realize that owning a computer requires a little bit of preventative maintenance and common sense on your part. Here's the best three things you can do for yourself, and none of them cost a dime:

1. Learn to use the BCC (blind carbon copy) function of your e-mail client (Outlook Express, Outlook, AOL, etc.). This will allow you to send e-mail to a list of people without exposing a long list of e-mail addresses. Have you ever received an e-mail with 100 addresses at the top? That's one of the ways spammers get your e-mail address. I know that a few of you send jokes and comments to a close circle of friends and you want everyone to know who received it so they can argue or whatever. That's fine; copying everyone in your address book on everything you send out isn't.

2. Get some anti-virus software. AVG is good and it's free. If you don't have sex with strangers, you shouldn't have a PC without anti-virus protection. I'm not kidding. I know there are exceptions to this rule, like my parents, whose PC is too slow to run modern anti-virus software and who only open e-mail from a few people who have been "white-listed". But chances are that you don't fit into this category.

3. Don't forward crap. Jokes are fine, but don't forward virus warnings, giveaways, petitions, prayer lists for people you don't know, sappy stories that probably aren't true and phony terrorism warnings. This steals bandwidth and chances are your friends have already seen it. For the record, Microsoft, AOL, IBM, etc. do NOT send out virus warnings and no one is going to give you a damn thing for forwarding an e-mail to your friends.

Sorry if I hit too close to home for some of you with this; I'm probably exposed to more of this stuff than is healthy.

A Quest for Knowledge

This is the beginning of my eighth week of day work. I'm finally getting used to putting a tie on every morning for the first time in nearly a decade and 5:30AM isn't as evil as it used to be (it's still plenty evil; don't get the idea that I'm singing in the shower or anything). But the move has brought challenges which have not yet been fully addressed.

For those of you who may not know, my move from nights came about because of our move from an IBM AS/400 to a newer, Windows 2000 Server-based software package. I knew that AS/400 like the back of my hand. When it gave me an error (which was not very often), I knew exactly what to do. It was like a tank---not pretty, but well-designed for its purpose and tough as nails. When lightning struck our old building one night and the UPS (uninterruptable power supply) ran out of juice, the old girl blacked out in the middle of a process. When I restarted her (quite a long process), she took up right where she left off....no errors, no BSODs, nothing. If I could've wrapped my arms around her (our AS/400 is about the size of a refrigerator laid on its side), I would've given her a hug.

Our new system is much faster, has a cool point-and-click interface and is quickly earning fans among the people who used to use the AS/400. Problem is, I still don't know much about it. I use it every day, but its secrets remain just that. I feel lost, as if I am a brand-new employee. I know this will pass and I will, eventually, be very knowledgeable about things, but everyone in the know is still way too busy to show me anything. What I know about PCs and networking I learned the hard way: break it and then fix it. That works well when you're at someone's house fooling around with a router and a few PCs; here, downtime costs money and it not well-tolerated.

It's been a long time since I've felt this helpless; I guess part of that feeling stems from the fact that so many people outside of my department saw me as this scary sort of genius guy who was going to ride in on a horse and instantly know what the hell was going on. When it comes to the PC support side of things, I do know my stuff. Unfortunately, that's only about 10% of what I do. I can't help but think that I have let some people down, even though their expectations may have been a little unreasonable and based on a skill set that I and the company no longer need.

Of course, I realize that part of this is also based on my oversized ego. I want to be the smartest guy in the room, even though, lately, I'm not always the smartest guy in my cubicle. I like being around people who can teach me new things and throw challenges my way. But when the footing on which my new knowledge will be based is still shaky, I can't help but be a little worried.

Bataan

Today in 1942, the remaining U.S. and Filipino forces defending the Bataan peninsula in the Phillipines surrendered to the Japanese Imperial Army. It was the largest surrender of American soldiers in our history. Of the 78,000 (66,000 Filipino and 12,000 American) men who surrendered, over 16,000 of them would die in the march to POW camps and subsequent malnutrition before they were liberated in 1945.

General MacArthur had been ordered to escape from Bataan a few weeks earlier. He had considered resigning his commission and staying on, but his staff urged him to go. Much has been written about MacArthur and his ego, but one thing is certain: he left the Phillipines believing that there would be a rescue/resupply mission waiting for him in Australia. He had written to Roosevelt about these beliefs and the President had done nothing to quell the fantasy. The men on Corrigador and Bataan knew that their nation would not leave them for dead; no American Army had surrendered since the Revolutionary War. Ultimately, they were sacrificied because Roosevelt had promised Churchill that the focus of the war would be first in Europe and then the Pacific.

A Return to Tet

The current brushfire uprisings in parts of several cities in Iraq and the media's response is beginning to look more and more like their coverage of the Tet Offensive in 1968. Late in January of that year, the Viet Cong (and North Vietnamese regulars) launched an all-out offensive against almost every major city and military facility in the South. In front of their TVs every night, Americans were shown images of Marines fighting it out with Viet Cong soldiers on the lawn of the U.S. Embassy in Saigon and the siege at Khe Sahn. It looked as if the entire country had caught fire.

By the end of February, it was all over. The enemy lost over 35,000 soldiers and 6,000 were captured. This decimated Viet Cong ranks to the extent that they were unable to mount another offensive until the beginning of 1975. U.S. forces suffered heavy casualties (over 1,100 killed), but the greatest damage occured right here at home. In essence, the media declared the war a disaster. Even Walter Cronkite, that supposed foundation of all things journalistic, mythically yelled in desperation during a commercial break, "What the hell is going on over there?" Our commitment to defending Vietnam began to wane.

This generation of journalists and anti-war/anti-Bush activists yearn for another Vietnam. Never mind that the anti-war movement gave aid and comfort to our enemies a generation ago (has anyone noticed how having been a hippie is now considered, somehow, noble?) and that this new crowd is repeating it in real-time. Now, however, the stakes are much higher and are not limited to a thin strip of jungle half a world away. Add to that 24-hour worldwide news and you begin to understand why these Islamic facists feel so emboldened.

And why not be bold? After all, we left Vietnam, Lebanon and Somalia when public opinion turned against further engagement. In fact, terrorists have used Somalia as an example of what to expect when American casualties mount. This is undoubtedly what Osama and crew believed would happen in Afghanistan: a few cruise missles, a few promises of justice and little else. What a surprise it must have been the first morning they felt concussions from B-52 strikes. They underestimated.

I'm not going to pretend that the outlook for Iraq is bright. I don't believe democracy can take hold there on any kind of permanent basis and I almost think that it's folly to try. I also believe it's time this administration framed this war in the proper way: a fight for Western civilization against radical Islamics who wish to see a return to the caliphate. It's not as if we're winning over mainstream Islam by pulling our punches; what do we have to lose?

We can not abandon Iraq because of the actions of a minority of religious zealots who have nothing to lose. Backing down will further bolden these people and convince them that Allah is truly with them. If left alone, they WILL bring this fight to our shores. They have already demonstrated a willingness to do so.

Spam

Some of you have probably noticed that there are some weird comments showing up after some of my posts. These are a form of spam and seem to be coming from the same source. I am working on the problem but, in the mean time, please ignore them. They are randomly generated paragraphs and not placed there by humans. I will try to remove them as they appear.

First Day Back

I arrived home from Dallas in one piece, a noteable achievement when compared to previous race weekends. This week was more subdued than previous outings, which left me both relieved and saddened. As is normal now, I did not get to spend time with everyone I would have liked to, and I hope they understand. Future trip announcements will be handled differently.

The one overriding thought I had on the flight home with that every group of human beings needs a partiarch/matriarch in their lives. For some, this is a family member. In my family, my father and mother fill that role. They are respected, even if we are not always in agreement. They are not aware of all the details of our lives, but we listen to their opinions. We listen because they are older, they have seen true hardship and have done well enough in life that their retirement is not beset with financial difficulties (an example that everyone should strive to emulate). Holidays and events are always scheduled with as much deference to them as possible considering that each of us now have in-laws who must also be respectfully considered.

But a patriarch/matriarch does not have to be a biological family member. Every social group has one, or it is merely a collection of acquaintances. Think of the groups of friends you have right now: one of them is treated with a little more respect than the others. He may be older, or a little smarter, or whatever. Somehow, everyone accepts this as the norm. It may not even enter the realm of concious thought, but I promise it's there.

When any tight group loses its patriarch, one of two things happens: someone else steps up to the plate or the group disbands. The man who used to be the patriarch of our little Dallas band is still around, but he has essentially been removed from office. This did not happen overnight, but over the course of years. It stemmed from a lose of respect due to his own actions, but I believe he is still oblivious to his lose of status. The guys made an excellent showing during my visit, but I know that it was a little forced, which makes me appreciate their efforts even more.

As the plane left Dallas yesterday, I remembered when my grandfather died in 1996. He, too, had been a patriarch at one time, but had lost his sons' respect over the years. I was living in Dallas when he passed away, and I clearly remember the phone call from my sister-in-law telling me the news. It was 7:00AM. By 10AM, the man who was the patriarch of our little group had secured an airline ticket for me and arranged for someone to take me to the airport. Such was his concern.

Would the same thing happen today? Possibly, but my lack of assuredness tells me all I need to know about how far things have come.

Lone Weekend

I leave for Dallas in a little over 24 hours. I'm more excited about this trip than I have been about many of my previous journeys to Texas because the guys I am visiting really seem to be excited by my arrival. As I mentioned before, I haven't been down there in a year, so there'll be a lot of catching up to do.

However, I always leave home with mixed feelings. Due to her demaning school schedule, Kelli hasn't been to Texas with me since Jan. 2001 (race weekend is an all-male event anyway). So when I go, I find myself missing her terribly. I guess it says something about our relationship that I feel as if something is missing if she is not with me. I don't think about it when I'm home, but being away from Kelli makes me realize that her and I have a running commentary going whenever we are out together. We point out interesting things to each other or creating running critiques. I guess other people have marriages like this; for their sake, I hope everyone does. But I'd like to think that ours is special, for I have truly found my soulmate.

So there will probably not be any posts until Wednesday. I know my posts have been rather shoty lately, but my day schedule has had a serious impact on my free mental time. Funny thing---when you work with people, they expect you to concentrate on the task at hand. Slave drivers.