Opaque Lucidity

The Winning Lifestyle

I just heard a news story about a couple in their early 60's from Oklahoma who won the Powerball lottery last week: $105 million. The husband is a truck driver who, according to the report, has no intention of quitting his job. The engine in his rig blew last week, but he will not buy a new one because the new ones are too expensive and depreciate too quickly. Instead he's going to buy a used model.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?????

If you're reading this, I need you to do me a favor: if you ever, ever win the lottery and it's more than $20 million, please promise me that you will make up some obscene story for the press. I don't care what you really do with your money (other than helping your buddy Matt become a full-time podcaster), but please, please make up a story that will make the rest of us envy you. Here are my suggestions:

1. Say something about your place of work: "To my boss, Randy: this is my notice---notice me leavin', jerkoff!"

2. Talk about your impossible vacations: "I'm going to fund a military takeover in Cuba and then claim it for the lost continent of Atlantis. People of Havana, practice saying this: Yes, your Worshipfullness."

3. Talk about the crazy things you're going to buy: "Since our Navy is less than cooperative about selling surplus nuclear-powered stuff, we've entered into a bidding competition to purchase a Soviet-era Typhoon-class ballistic missile submarine for use as our personal yacht. Paul Allen, call your office."

Wouldn't that be fun? Since I didn't win, at least give me something to smile about.

A Moment For Tony

Tony Blair is no longer Prime Minister of the UK. I don't know what he and his wife plan to do now, but I know one thing for certain: he and his nation have been this nation's best friends for the past six years, and I, for one, think we need to remember it.

Blair is socially liberal, which is pretty common amongst European leaders. But something made him stand out; perhaps it was his knowledge of history or his appreciation of the "special relationship" that the US and England have shared for the better part of a century. Whatever the cause, Tony Blair stood tall when it mattered. When we went into Afghanistan in October, 2001, Royal Navy subs were right there, firing cruise missiles right beside our 688s. When we went into Iraq in March, 2003, it was the British Army whose presence in the nation was so large that it comprised 25% of their total manpower. It was Tony Blair who stood strong with us when the occupation began to turn into a brush war against insurgents and terrorists. He fought his own party, something that is very rare in democracies.

I can think of no higher praise for Tony Blair than to say that his actions and words have been Churchillian. Thank you, Tony----you will always have friends on this side of the pond.

The Berlin Airlift, June 26, 1948

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Those Joyous Decades

Vladimir Putin believes that Soviet history has fewer "black pages" than the United States. Of course, you'll notice that he does mention the Stalinist purges of the 1930's because, golly, it's awfully hard to hide the deaths of more than 30 million people.

Putin mentions Vietnam. Yes, we did bomb most of the country over the course of the decade our military was active there. But in Afghanistan, toys with bombs inside them were left outside of villages with the knowledge that children wouild pick them up. Can you say that one is worse than the other because more civilians died in Vietnam? Is it just about numbers, or does intent count for something?

Then there's the nuclear argument. Thank God we will never know what would've happened had the Allies invaded the Japanese home islands. As horrible as they were, those bombs saved lives. And I believe that our arsenal of missiles, submarines and bombers during the Cold War helped prevent another World War. Look at it this way: if nuclear weapons did not exist, do you think that the Soviets would've tried to take all of Europe after the end of the Second World War? Once again, thank God we'll never know.

Putin should stick to his day job and leave history alone.

The Unabomber Strikes Again, June 24, 1993

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If You Can't Beat 'Em, Legislate 'Em

It appears as if some Democrats in the Senate are eager to create and pass legislation putting strict new "fairness" rules on talk radio. Even Trent Lott, the cowardly Repubwican from Mississippi, is complaining about the influence of the medium.

Maybe it resonates with other liberals, but I can't understand how anyone could see the dominance of conservatives on talk radio as anything more than market forces at work. Do you remember Air America? They're still around, but just barely. Why? Because all their shows are hosted by liberal gasbags like Janeane Garofalo, who demonstrates zero ability to debate or even clearly state her beliefs.

The liberal demographic in this country is very different from the conservative. First, I believe the conservatives probably tend to be older on average than liberals, giving truth to the old adage, "If you're conservative at 25 you have no heart, if you're liberal at 50 you have no head." Most truly liberal people I know and see are young, meaning under 40. There are, of course, the academic elite, but they are a small, overly-courted segment of our society.

More importantly, I think conservatives are simply more informed. Most of you who vote for Democrats are NOT liberal---you just disagree on things like gun control or immigration or Iraq, etc. The true liberals of the Noam Chomsky school tend to be ill-informed and embrace any conspiracy theory that makes conservative Republicans look bad, like the crazy BS theories floating around about 9/11 (don't write me about your convincing website or so-and-so's book; instead, go learn something about the physics of flight and metallurgy).

If talk radio is legislated, it will be pushed right off the cliff of existence. And it will be just the start. Any argument or battle liberals can't win (at the ballot box or in the media), they either try to legislate or take to a judge willing to create laws out of whole cloth from the bench. If allowed to run rampant, they will be the downfall of a free press and open elections.

One More Reason to Own a Mac

The Beetle is Born, June 22, 1934

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Honoring The Fallen

Army Cpl. Llythaniele Fender, 21, of Medical Lake, Wash; assigned to 5th Battalion, 5th Air Defense Artillery Regiment, Fort Lewis, Wash.; died June 10 in Karbala, Iraq, of wounds sustained from an improvised explosive device. Also killed were Cpl. Meresebang Ngiraked and Spc. Adam G. Herold.

Army Pfc. Joshua S. Modgling, 22, of Las Vegas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.; died June 19 in Muhammad al Ali, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Also killed was Sgt. 1st Class William A. Zapfe.

When you see junior enlisted men (Specialist, Private, etc.) in their late 20's, that almost always means they joined the Army/Marines later in life than most people. They joined after 9.11.01. They knew war would be upon them. They were not young kids, but adults who had lived in the real world long enough to know the score. And they went anyway. For me and you.

Farewell

We buried Charlie today. He was my oldest sister's father-in-law, but he was so much more. He was father, grandfather and friend to many in our family, even though we were technically not related. He loved coming to our family gatherings---he danced at our niece's wedding less than two weeks ago.

I was 11 or so when I met Charlie; that's 25 years behind me. I can barely remember a time when he was not a part of my life. He loved conversation, especially anything technical or historical. He began slipping a few years ago, so he spent a little more time listening than speaking. He would sometimes repeat himself or spin off on a tangent, but everyone took it in stride. After all, it was Charlie.

Charlie was a kind, caring man. He was not afraid to shed a tear in public, a trait he and I shared. He was a devout Catholic with the kind of deep faith that makes me envious. He probably watched thousands of football, basketball and baseball games at our old high school. Unlike some parents, he enjoyed sitting on the hard bleachers watching teenagers compete.

I am a better man for having had him in my life.

The First Juneteenth, June 19, 1865

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The First Woman in Space, June 16, 1963

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Rules From Helpdesk Guy

One of my job responsibilities is to answer the helpdesk line. There are only three of us in the IS department, so there is no designated helpdesk attendant; it is a shared duty. The busiest time for the helpdesk is early in the morning when most of the employees arrive and boot up their PCs for the first time. That's the time when you find out that you forgot your password or your hard drive has died. Wonderful.

If you work for a company that has a helpdesk line, please allow me to pass on some pearls of wisdom I have learned. I'm not trying to sound harsh. Rather, I'm trying to make the experience more comfortable for you and the over-worked IT guy with whom you are speaking.

1. Less talking, more listening. Chances are very, very good that I know what's wrong with your PC within 10 seconds of your call. Thus, once you have given me the symptoms, please stop talking and listen. I don't need to know every detail of what you were doing---if I need more info I'll ask. On the other hand, don't speak as if every word costs a dollar and the money is being withdrawn from your paycheck. Phrases like "My PC don't work" does nothing for me and makes me less than enthusiastic about solving your problem because you obviously don't care.

2. Do it anyway. If I ask to you to restart your PC, don't interrupt me by saying that you've done that eight times already. You are exaggerating. I'm telling you this in an attempt to fix your problem, not make your life more difficult.
If you had fixed the problem, you wouldn't be talking to me now.

3. This is not the complaint line. I don't care which e-mail client you used at your old job---if you like it soooo much, please go back there and leave me alone. I don't write software, I only make sure it runs on the server and the client end. No, I don't know why that button was placed there instead of on the far left. My guess is that the developer smoke a spliff during lunch that day and thought the placing the button where it is was the greatest achievement ever accomplished by man.

4. Leave home at home. If you didn't receive that 78 MB home movie of your grandson being The Cutest Grandchild Who Ever Lived, that's because it was caught by our filter and I deleted it. You can't look at videos at work for a number of reasons, mainly because it's a waste of time. Look at it when you get home and stop calling me wondering why you didn't receive it. We have real, work-related problems to deal with down here.

That's it for now. I'm not mad about any one incident, but it seems to me that there is a growing rudeness among the people to whom I speak every day. Part of it may be summer and the fact that the kids are home on vacation. But you know what? You birthed 'em, not your IT guy.

The Soprano In All Of Us

I spent seven years with the Sopranos--I didn't start watching until season two. Now that it is over between us, I think it's time we talked about why the relationship existed in the first place.

Films about the Mafia have generally done well at the box office. The Godfather trilogy, Good Fellas, Once Upon a Time in America and Scarface (not really about the Italian Mafia, but adapted from a similar storyline) are all proof that Americans have some sort of fascination with organized crime.

In reality, our love of La Cosa Nostra has very little to do with crime and much to do with how crime gangs maintain cohesiveness. There is a part in all of us that yearns to be part of a well-oiled group of men and/or women who are loyal always and tough when necessary. The fact that the real Mafia is a shadow of its former self and is just a collection of thuggish sociopaths is lost in the glaze of Sunday dinners and hugs between men who actually despise each other. There is a certain nobility in the Soprano crime family, even though it is often Tony who turns away from it towards his selfish inner child. With the world that way it is, I believe many of us want that tainted royal union in our lives.

In the military, you will sometimes hear the phrase 'unit cohesion'. This means that your department or squad or tank crew or whatever maintains a relationship that goes beyond the job. You may fight among yourselves over the smallest infraction, but let an outsider say something about the unit and watch the fur fly. This is what the Sopranos represented to so many people.

One example: do you remember the episode in which Dr. Melfi was raped? She saw her attacker at a fast food restaurant some days later and was tempted to tell Tony. Why tell him? Because the rapist would have disappeared in a red mist and justice would be done. At one point, Melfi talks in disgust about her boyfriends attempt to handle the issue by calling his lawyer; Tony had no such limitations placed on his behavior. If Melfi had asked for help, help would have been provided. She was an insider in the organization by the very fact that she was in Tony's head. Thus, she was owed the same loyalty as the rest of the family, at least in Tony's mind.

Don't get the idea that I embrace the violence shown weekly on the show. But strip that away, and all that remains is a tight organization of men who are defined by their membership in the family. With so many of our modern relationships based on nothing more than convenience or proximity, watching the Sopranos reminded us of how strong our bonds used to be.

Honoring The Fallen

Army Staff Sgt. Travis W. Atkins, 31, of Bozeman, Mont.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.; died June 1 in Al Yusufiyah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit.

Army Staff Sgt. Brian M. Long, 32, of Burns, Wyo., died June 10 in Baghdad of wounds suffered from an explosive ordnance. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 3rd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.

President Reagan at the Brandenburg Gate, June 12, 1987

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Kiddie Show

Our niece Katie was married this weekend to Matt; we could not ask for a finer addition to the family. The wedding ceremony and reception went off without a hitch, which those of you who have gone through weddings know is a rare occurrence. My entire family was in town, which was enjoyable. I have much to be grateful for in that department.

The location for the reception has more than one large meeting hall. The hall at the far end of the building was playing host to one of those "little girl pageants". You know the ones---little girls wearing lots of makeup with their hair piled high and dressed like Barbie dolls. Think Jon Benet Ramsey and you're in the ballpark.

If you've read this blog from the Dattblog days, you know how I feel about these pageants: they are magnets for pedophiles and border on child abuse. They seek to sexualize young girls at a time in their lives when they should know nothing about sex or what adult men find attractive. I think of our young nieces and how innocent they are---little girls should be little girls. It makes me want to drive someone's head through a wall.

The mothers of the little girls all have the same sort of disposition and mentality: shallow women who were not beauty queens themselves and are thus trying to live through their children. I would love to scream at a group of them, but I'm not sure it would sink in. Disgusting.

Operation Opera, June 7, 1981

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Morality Tale

Here's something to ponder. Imagine that you learn one of your neighbors has not only been convicted of child molestation in the past, but is currently molesting several kids who live near you. One day, two of your neighbors (whom you have known for years) approach you and offer to include you in their plan to take this guy out. Your first response is to ask why no one has called the cops. They reply that the cops have been called, but the perp is the brother/son/nephew of the mayor/sheriff/town councilman and that no one in local law enforcement will lift a finger.

The neighbors' plan it to break into the perp's house and kill him in his sleep. They will then steal some items from the house to make it look like a burglarly gone bad. The house is placed such that no one will see you entering or leaving. In short, unless you turn yourself in, there's almost no chance of you being caught.

Just to boil this story down to facts:

1. You know for a fact that a man in your neighborhood is molesting children.
2. The police have not and will not do anything about it.
3. You know of a way to make him disappear without getting caught.

Do you help your neighbors?

This Sucks

If you listen to my podcast, you know that the intro and "outro" are produced by Podshow. They are added automatically when I upload a new episode; I have no idea what they say until, like you, I download the show. I have received some complaints about these in the past: they're jarring, they're too loud, etc. I usually tell people that I have no control over intro/outro content and that, in short, this is the price of admission.

Then came the "Suck Less" campaign. In an attempt to improve their service, Podshow is asking listeners and podcast producers to voluntarily become part of a panel whose primary purpose is to fill out various surveys. Every podcast on the Podshow network has been running a "suck less" intro for almost two weeks now.

I did not know until last week that so many people consider the word "suck" in that context to be an obscenity. Most of the e-mails I have received on this subject stress the point that my podcast is listened to by young children at home or in the classroom and many parents don't want them to use that sort of language. Whether you agree with it or not, you have to admit that a) it is a grey area and b) the folks at Podshow could've come up with a better phrase without too much effort.

I have written to my contact at Podshow expressing these concerns. He suggested that I produce my own intro that is shorter and less offensive. I did this today and just now sent it in for consideration. We'll see.

The First Drive-In Theater, June 6, 1933

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The Tiananmen Square Massacre, June 4, 1989

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Honoring The Fallen

Army Staff Sgt. David C. Kuehl, 27, of Wahpeton, N.D.; assigned to the 4th Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.; died May 22 in Taji, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit.

Army Pfc. Robert A. Liggett, 23, of Urbana, Ill.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.; died May 29 in Rustamiyah, Iraq, of injuries sustained in a non-combat-related incident. His death is under investigation.

Pesky Reality

Americans, for some reason, seem to love conspiracies. Look at our movies: The Manchurian Candidate, The Bourne series, etc. all turn around secret organizations with agendas which may or may not be detrimental to the nation or a certain group of people.

I enjoy a good conspiracy tale as much as the next guy, but there is a growing base of people who believe in a conspiracy that I don't find funny at all: the notion that the attacks of September 11, 2001 were all inside jobs. Let me state my opinion on this matter up front and in plain language. If you believe that something happened other than 19 hijackers taking over four planes and flying them into three different targets and a field in Pennsylvania, then you are a fool who is both out of touch with reality and sorely in need of some basic education with regard to metallurgy, aerodynamics, history and foreign policy.

I will not recount all the technical details that the conspiracy nuts get wrong. If you want an excellent analysis, check out Debunking 9/11 Myths: Why Conspiracy Theories Can't Stand Up to the Facts by the editors of Popular Mechanics magazine. Rosie O'Donnell should've read a few pages before spouting off about fire and steel. Then again, liberal, angry lesbians are allowed to be short on facts as long as they make fun of conservatives.

I'm also not going to discuss the Jewish conspiracy, that is, the idea that all the Jews in the WTC towers knew about the attacks before they happened because they were warned by the Mossad. These ideas are put forth by virulent anti-Semites of the type who wanted to accuse the Jews of burning down the Reichstag in 1933. These people aren't foolish; they're idiots.

And then there are those who claim that Osama Bin Laden is a creation of the CIA. According to this theory, Bin Laden received funds from the CIA during the war against the Soviets in Afghanistan. This is only plausible if you know nothing about what happened during those years. Lawrence Wright, author of The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11 is probably the premier authority on Bin Laden during the period of 1980-1989. He spent five years researching his book, including interviews with former members of Bin Laden's inner circle. The Saudis who went to Afghanistan during the 1980's never integrated into the Mujihadin because the Afghans considered them glory hounds with dreams of martyrdom. You see, the rebels who fought the Soviets were not one homogenous group; rather, they were essentially a group of clans who were only allies in the most strained sense of the term. The CIA did not fund every group, only those who had a decent chance of actually making a difference in their homeland. Bin Laden and his cronies didn't meet the criteria. In fact, he personally only faced combat less than a handful of times and very late in the war.

9/11 conspiracy nuts make strange bedfellows. First, there are the ultra-right wing nuts who don't trust government, don't like Jews and think Henry Kissinger is still running the State Department. With them are the liberal nuts who despise President Bush and want to pin the war on him to justify their belief that the "Bigs" (Oil, Healthcare, Military, etc) really run the show. If a Clinton were in office, you wouldn't hear a peep out of them.

Then there are the people like Rosie O'Donnell and her fellow travelers. They are often poorly educated (simply because they didn't take school seriously) and mad about their lot in life. Instead of reaching into themselves for a solution to their woes, they continually look to outside sources. To them, it makes sense that The Man would conspire to start what may turn into World War Three. They're not crazy about facts; instead, they say things like "I'm just asking questions" instead of expressing their looney theories. The saving grace of this group is that they are lemmings. As soon as something new comes along, they'll latch on to that.

There are plenty of REAL problems we should be focusing on; it saddens me to think that so many people are wasting their energy on non-facts and one world government fantasies.